It Sucks to Be Me When You Have OCD

I have my laundry almost caught up but it didn't distract me much. I felt a little better after I took my afternoon Risperdal but I still can't keep my hands off my neck. I wish I had a magic cure for worrying and anxiety ... and OCD too. When thoughts keep going through your mind and no matter what you do they won't leave, it's like being on the bottom ring of hell. My husband gets after me for checking so often, he says, "If you're going to keep rubbing it you're obviously going to make it swollen and painful!" He says he can't feel anything there but I swear that his fingertips have no ability to feel. He's a chef so his hands are so used to handling hot items that I'm sure he has no feeling left in them.

I asked my sister last night about this lump (she's an RN) and the first thing she asked was, "Is there anything wrong with your breast? Are you having a problem with that?" No matter what it is she automatically thinks, cancer. That's what is going through my mind as well. I've been thinking, "Well, I'm a smoker and if I have lung cancer it may have spread." I'm totally freaking myself out. I'm scared that tomorrow the doctor won't be able to feel it either. I can only feel it with the hand on the same side of the body. If I check with the other hand I don't find it. Weird, I know. Then I wonder if it's nothing and my OCD is creating this monstrous horror story. God I hate waiting to get answers.